I have always enjoyed Christmas! It is a time when families come together and everyone is happy.

Who am I fooling? At my house it is an absolute nightmare on Christmas Day. The in-laws have never liked me very much and they make it quite clear. But that’s okay; instead of dreading my husband’s parents coming round for Christmas dinner I make a meal of it (literally)…

Last year was a scream. Janet (my mother-in-law) is vegetarian so I used this to my full advantage. When I dished-up her Christmas dinner (which she had spent two hours finding fault with in my kitchen) it looked fit for a queen. And it was, until I poured meat-based gravy over every inch of it!

Of course, I did tell her what I’d done; just not until she had eaten quite a bit of it… It was great to watch her scurry off into the kitchen and see her return a few minutes later with a Marmite sandwich! I am cruel, aren’t I?

Bob (my father-in-law) spent the afternoon breaking wind and telling us all jokes that weren’t funny. Imagine his surprise when I ‘accidently’ stood on his nasal hair remover that we had bought him for Christmas! He got so mardy about it that he could easily have been mistaken for a five year old.

As it became clear that they intended to stay well into the evening, I sat racking my brains. There was no way that I could put up with another three or four hours of their company… And then I had a brainwave. Janet has a terrible phobia about spiders, so when I began to tell them about a tarantula that I had been looking after for my neighbour I could sense her growing unease. By the time that I made up a story about it having escaped from its tank, they had decided it might be best to be heading home.

I can’t wait to see them both this year… I have all kinds of lovely surprises in store!

Sidebar: my friend Emily gave me a chemical peel as a gift. Now I have to say, I have no idea what she was trying to convey me; but after I got over the relative surprise of how unusual the present was, I went and realized that it was actually quite delightful. I would speak well of it to anyone